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August 24, 2011

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Game Time: Tackling the Past – Review

I had the opportunity to preview the latest Walmart and P&G family movie night entry with a couple dozen folks from the press and Catherine Hicks (“7th Heaven” and Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home”). Game Time: Tackling the Past will air Saturday, September 3 on NBC (8-10 p.m. ET).

The story is about football pro Jake Walker (Ryan McPartlin, “Chuck”) living his dream until he gets a glimpse into the past he ran from. Drawn back to his ole stomping grounds when his dad (Beau Bridges, “The Fabulous Baker Boys”) has a heart attack, he gains insights into the reality of his past from his mother (Catherine Hicks). The unexpected family reunion brings him face to face with his brother, the local high school football coach (Josh Braaten, “Semi-Pro”). The pressures mount as Jake’s contract goes into the open market and his brother’s team faces their greatest battle, forcing Jake to decide if looking out for himself and a guaranteed contract, or supporting his family in a small town is the most rewarding decision a person can make.

The film was well made considering its short four-week production cycle. Although some of the camera work was too shaky for my taste. However, the wonderful layers of multiple messages about integrity and selfless behavior quickly made me forget about the lower budget production values. Not to mention that the stars really kept the show alive and moving.

Our group conversation with Catherine was salted throughout the evening, so I’ve taken certain liberties to edit it down and tweaked the questions to simplify the conversation for an easier read.

CJ: Hello Catherine.
CH (Catherine Hicks): Hello.
CJ: Before we start, I have to compliment you again for your work on 7th Heaven.
CH: Thank you so much! It was a special show, I am glad it lasted so long. I hope you enjoy this as much!
CJ: What attracted you to this role?
CH: The tenderness and concern of the character, the comfort of this role and the fact that Beau Bridges was already cast!
CJ: It sounds like a good character and Beau helped to tip the scale in you signing on.
CH: I choose roles by the character, but I love Beau Bridges, so I was super excited to accept this role!
CJ: The film has a real family feel to it. As the mom in the film, did the cast ever feel like a real family, drama and all?
CH: It was fun to have the whole cast together at the dinner scene. I like family drama because we all deal with drama in our families every day!
CJ: You did a great job making your character seem like a good mom in your first main scene.
CH: Thank you for the kind words. I hope that I am as good of a mom in real life!
CJ: Some actors draw from real life. How did you prepare for this role?
CH: As an actor, I went back to class last year, as I felt that I had kind of gone empty… so my new technique is to be more real and to go to places in my own personal life that correspond to the characters.
CJ: What could you draw from in life for the hospital scene?
CH: When my daughter was little, we were in the hospital with her and I remember the times waiting to see if she was ok. Gratefully she was, so the hospital scenes in the film helped me relive what it really feels like rather than just pretending.
CJ: And what did you draw from life for the football scenes?
CH: I love football. I went to Notre Dame and chased the QB… I loved games and wanted to be a cheerleader… I loved to watch.
CJ: What was it like for you and other actors in the football scenes?
CH: I love the lights on the football field and the feeling you get. There is nothing like it! I am excited because Ryan in this movie is a real football player and was a star in high school, so he personally understands the life, and ups and downs of athletes!
CJ: What did you think about Ryan’s performance?
CH: Ryan is a really great actor… sometimes a big jock does not come across as a good actor, but I was very impressed with Ryan’s acting. He was very still, very real, like a good actor!
CJ: The shooting schedule was very quick and shot on location, as I understand it.
CH: It took 4 weeks to make this film in North Carolina. I fell in love with Wilmington.
CJ: The film is loaded with some great messages. Is there one particular take away you hope the audience catches?
CH: I hope that audiences come away with families going through things being able to listen to them and feel where their pain is… that parents are not afraid to give their opinion. Today, parents often try not to assert their opinion to be cool.
CJ: Great messages aimed at families are desperately needed.
CH: Networks should know that they would have a huge family audience if they would put another show on like 7th Heaven… Hollywood doesn’t always realize how much people want these. Every decade audiences want another family show, but the industry doesn’t always see this.
CJ: You’re very right, and sounding like a mom.
CH: In real life, I was a very nervous mom who didn’t have my first child until I was 40! To this day, my daughter intimidates me!
CJ: With you drawing your mom role from real life and your daughter living a successful life at USC, you seem to have achieved being a good parent.
CH: Being a good parent is a talent… not everyone possesses that gene/talent. Hopefully one in each married couple does! My husband is the good parent in our family – I am the one who is very lovey and fun. I am just not good at the discipline part!
CJ: Speaking of parents that don’t have the gift, who played Dr. Tate?
CH: Dr. Tate is my new best friend! Gary Grubbs is a very funny man and his wife is too… We just laughed a lot and walked around Wilmington!
CJ: I’m sure the humor helped you stay fresh for the dramatic role you played, especially toward the end.
CH: In that last scene, I know how hard it is for my son, and think that my husband should go easier on him… I think parenting is a constant adjustment of the “sail” and the wind, in whatever is coming… sometimes you go the other way of the parent to see it from a different angle. I am definitely on Ryan’s “side,” opening up to me in ways that he can’t to his father.
CJ: Your dialog in that precise moment was right on the money.
CH: Yeah, I loved that line as well. We have to go to the “root…” Many of our problems often go back to the parent/child relationship – there is always a cause to the pain. Sometimes a psychiatrist can help in that journey.
CJ: It definitely hit home, which must have been a challenge.
CH: The most challenging in this role was to have the emotional scenes be credible and not melodramatic… Just real.
CJ: I thought you did great.
CH: Oohhhh, thank you! You made my night!
CJ: This film seems to be more of a male-based story.
CH: I agree about these films focusing on the male journey… women are often relegated to “wife” roles, but on 7th Heaven, the women were always strong. I am able to be strong in this role as well. I am sure we’ll see some future family night films where the focus will be more on the women.
CJ: Your character was indeed strong, bringing balance to this great family focused story.
CH: Great you feel that this film is a winner! Are you going to watch it when it airs on Sept. 3rd?
CJ: Aren’t I supposed to be the one asking the questions?
CH: I like interacting with journalists during the screening, it feels very comfortable.
CJ: Okay then, I hope my entire family watches it.
CH: Yeah! Mine will watch too!
CJ: And, what about your fans?
CH: I know my fans very well and it seems like a big family that just hasn’t talked in a while!
CJ: What do you hope your fans will take away from watching this film?
CH: My takeaway on this, is that this story is about “going home” and it can relate to any profession or race. We all just need to forgive, that is the basis of this story… to dig deep and forgive.
CJ: Your character seemed to be the glue that keeps things together long enough for the other characters to catch on to what’s important.
CH: Women are good at being the “glue” in a family and seeing the fine print. We are more emotionally based and grow up “analyzing” problems and feelings… I think we can help in that way… Men can also help us lighten up. What is the main lesson that you are going to take away from the messages in this movie?
CJ: That integrity is more powerful today than ever before and doing what’s right brings joy that overflows to others.
CH: Great comments!
CJ: This is a powerful scene.
CH: This scene shows a good “Hollywood” story… its not about money, fame and fortune corrupts, and it affects the family and especially the children. I believe that you need to be anchored in a strong faith tradition, so that you know that the meaning of life is about more than material things. We are here for a purpose and it’s a spiritual one.
CJ: Without giving a way the story, how did you approach this other scene?
CH: This was the first scene I shot, coming out of the football stadium… I wanted to be “terrified” like the kid was lost in Los Angeles, but the director assured me that in their town it wouldn’t be that dangerous.
CJ: What a cute kid with the perfect line and Katie Carr playing his mom is great.
CH: She is so refreshing…. I loved this girl in this film! I like the way they cast the role of Sarah… its not a stereotypical love interest…. Not just the sex symbol, etc… I love that they cast a British actress.
CJ: I can tell you enjoyed being a part of this football story?
CH: The thing about sports… it brings cities together and unites people, which I think is really good…. Sports bring people out together to root for their teams… together!!!
CJ: You did a great job in this film. Thank you for taking the time to chat with us.
CH: Thank you!

Here is a little behind the scenes sampling.

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August 22, 2011

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Movement Leads to Positive Changes

I’ve seen many strained relationships lead to divorce over the past dozen years and most could have been avoided by a couple simple adjustments. Unfortunately, once the word “divorce” is brought into the conversation, each person begins to position and defend him or herself from great heartache. Both know each other’s vulnerabilities all too well and anything becomes fair game.

The wiser couples desire to work on their marriage before it gets into a no win scenario. They take the following five steps to protect their marriage during difficult times:

  1. Verbalize only positive traits about their spouse in public.
  2. Avoid complaining about their marriage to someone of the opposite sex.
  3. Seek a counselor that is fair, wise and doesn’t take sides.
  4. Listen to understand before talking to be understood.
  5. Communicate to their spouse through difficult conversations to a resolve.

I’ve found that most marriage problems stem from a gap in communications. While various topics will raise the intensity of the conversation, all relational gaps need good communication flow to be resolved. Regardless of communication there is one other thing that must be in place – Trust.

I know a couple that made a bad mistake. The wife jumped to the conclusion that her husband was having an affair and accused him of it. She was convinced she knew the signs because she had an affair earlier that he didn’t know about. Not only was he surprised to learn of it while she was accusing him, he felt compelled to get back at her by having an affair, which she later rubbed in his face since she saw it coming.

I counted a lot of communication problems in their dilemma, but one thing was certain, they both had lost trust in each other. Fortunately, they wanted to restore their relationship and were willing to work at it in counseling.

After one of their counseling sessions the man paid me a visit. He wanted to know how he could rebuild the lost trust he had in his wife. I told him it was as simple as making several small decisions. He had to extend some small form of trust to her and watch to see how she handled it. If successful, he would extend a little bit more to her and see how she did in earning back his trust. This process would continue until their trust was fully restored.

The goal was to give her little opportunities to redevelop her trustworthiness. With each successful step, she would earn a little bit more trust until they were at the place where she developed a solid character trait of trustworthiness and he trusted her fully.

But he had to start by extending trust to her that she didn’t deserve. And, he had to not micromanage her ability to honor the trust with various forms of judgment. Instead, he needed to just look for movement – Not success.

A large sailboat can be steered very easily by a small little rudder when at sea, but try to steer all that weight when in dock and the rudder will not do its job. There has to be movement for the rudder to be effective.

In the same way repairing a marriage won’t work if one person is setting to the side watching as a judge, ready to pounce on their spouse’s next misstep. The marriage has to be in motion with both people living as a team through the struggles. As each tries to work at their portion of the problem, the other can give gentle words of encouragement to guide them in understanding and action.

I shared that if he wanted to see change in his marriage, he needed to stop judging and start coaching based on his vulnerable heart. It was counter intuitive for him – To open his heart to the one who just ripped it by having an affair. But, movement would be the only way to bring about healing.

The seas got a little darker for them as they learned how to coach each other without judgment, but I assured him that the storm was always darkest before the light shines through. He held his course steady and their trust grew significantly. He even noted that all movement was gently steered with little effort like a rudder moving a big sailboat in motion.

It’s been five years since their debacle and they are acting like newlyweds. Their communication is excellent. They both live as partners taking turns with short moments of coaching when a behavior risks the heart of the other. They’ve learned that nothing is wrong with either of them, but sometimes they may have to adjust a simple behavior based on how it might negatively impact the other. They also learned to be patient as movement is always a good sign, even if things get a little worse before they get better.

 

Copyright © 2011 By CJ Powers
Photo © moodboard – Fotolia.com
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August 19, 2011

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Time to Renew

Recently a woman commented on my large capacity for doing so many things at once. While it was supposed to be a compliment, I took it as a warning that I was about to hit the ceiling of busyness. I was on the verge of losing myself in activities, rather than enjoying the blessings that were in my life.

The good news is that we all can make an adult decision to take care of ourselves when we see our lives being choked out like freshly grown plants trying to survive in a thicket of weeds. Time is a precious commodity, but few use it to edifying themselves or to recharge their energy levels.

Bringing oneself back into a healthy perspective and workload takes a great deal of effort and requires us to know ourselves. For instance, a person like me gets significantly recharged whenever I stop by Walt Disney World (WDW), have a speaking engagement, or rest in the north woods of Wisconsin. My Saturday mornings seem to be the time when I get those smaller boosts of energy to cover any draining from the prior week.

While there are many possibilities for renewal, especially during those quiet times in the morning, I’ve learned my recharging pattern and found that a four day weekend every quarter and a few hours to myself every Saturday morning to be most effective.

Here is how I determined what energized me:

1. Observed my actions in every situation that brought a smile to my face and tried to determine what about it invoked the grin.
2. Determined what core characteristic or element of temperament the moment encouraged or fed.
3. Appreciated what and why something puts a smile on my face and embraced that which was good.

WDW is a great example. After finding my creativity skyrocket with every visit, I found that no other theme park or location impacted me creatively, with the one possible exception of a Hollywood sound stage in full swing.

I am a story person through and through, and when I learned that the entire WDW theme park was built around a large story, I understood why it impacted me as an old friend coming along side of me filled with encouragement.

When entering the Magic Kingdom, the first thing you see is a bed of flowers forming a giant Mickey Mouse. This matches the opening screen of many Disney shorts during Walt’s glory days. Next you enter the brief tunnel where the lockers are and you see numerous one sheets/posters lining the walls like the trailers of coming attractions. Each poster representing something you will soon see or take in.

Stepping from the tunnel into Main Street USA brings us to the opening credits, which of course are in full sight. Every window is painted with the names of those who made Walt Disney World a reality. In the distance, you can see a fantasy castle setting the tone for your time in the special kingdom like an opening scene does in a movie. I could continue drawing the parallels that Imagineers worked so hard to create, but I just wanted to give you a glimpse into why WDW recharges this storyteller.

When talking about how we recharge our batteries, there are many who will suggest that they sacrifice their dreams and desires for the sake of the kids or a spouse. While some may truly do that, most speak as though they were a martyr that is some how above others with their self-sacrificing role.

I sometimes wonder if that positioning is a form of self-appeasement to cover the person’s inability to tell loved ones what their true heartfelt needs are – Needs that are valuable in of it’s self. I wonder if these types of people act more like a doormat for others to take advantage of them, rather than giving freely to help others. Some might even couch their fears of advancing with words of self-inflicted martyrdom.

A believer once told me that God wanted living sacrifices, not the kind that cause grumbling or brings death. He suggested that the best sacrifice comes from a person’s abundance and encourages others to rise to their best level in life, regardless of any form of thanks. These are people who give from their overflow, not their moments of despair.

If we take care of ourselves first, then we are healthy and can pass on healthiness. If we’re drained, then we might pass on a sense of helpfulness or distorted love, which won’t be beneficial. It’s like being on an airplane when the oxygen masks drop down. You must put the mask on yourself before you can help someone else with theirs, otherwise you might pass out before helping them and you’ll both be in trouble.

While it may feel selfish at first, I promise you that taking time to recharge will create an overflow from which you can bless others. And, when you’re operating at full capacity and it seems like child’s play, you’ll realize that you were made by a God who wants you to soar like on eagles wings – Effortless soaring without having to flap your wings very often.

Copyright © 2011 By CJ Powers
Photo © iQoncept – Fotolia.com