I launched my first solo LIVE streaming show yesterday on YouTube. It took a great deal of emotional and mental effort to prepare for the launch. Thankfully, when I looked into the camera lens, I had an encouraging friend who came along side of me.
She wasn’t physically present, but was there digitally. The joy that flooded my soul was amazing. Knowing someone was there to support me in this virtual world made my day.
Soon after, five or six additional friends joined in the comments. I couldn’t stop laughing and smiling. I received the love being shared. Their encouraging words changed me.
You see, they were all live streamers that understood how exposed we feel during a live show. The medium requires transparency and authenticity. There is no hiding behind anything.
Forced Behind the Scenes
I’ve been partially hidden as a behind the scenes person for the majority of my life. Part of the reason was due to several incidents that kept me from being in the limelight. The first one was my fat.
I’ll never forget sixth grade. I had to wear pants that were labeled husky, while my friends wore slims. This was at a time in my life when family and relatives referred to me as being thick.
The ultimate embarrassment came during the sixth-grade play performed for the entire school. We did a second show in the evening for parents.
Due to my drumming skills, I was in the Hawaiian dance scene. That’s right, I was shirtless. My blubber was exposed for all to see.
The dance was a historical one where bamboo poles are lined with razor like blades. I held two poles in my hand with the other ends held by a partner. We would tap out a rhythmic pattern by tapping the stage floor or the poles together in time to the music.
The dancers had to step between the moving poles without getting cut by the blades. If they got out of step or landed funny after their cartwheels, they could receive deep cuts in their legs or arms. Of course, this was just a play. The guy who botched up was carried away for the sake of drama, not injury.
There was a problem for me with being bent over and tapping the poles in a rhythmic pattern. My blubber hung down making me look even fatter than I was.
My hope was in the dancers doing so well that no one would notice me next to the volcano backdrop. The fake palm tree shaded me from some of the bright lights. I positioned myself to be as invisible as possible.
Ridicule and Rejection
After the performance I hoped no one recognized me. I wasn’t in the mood to field fat jokes or husky comments from the nicer people. I didn’t want to face the ridicule or rejection that might follow the show.
During my live streaming show, flashbacks from the volcano dance shot into my mind. I was exposed. I was baring my soul in front of 19 people (and hundreds during playback).
While a few dropped from the show, most stayed and shared encouraging words with me. Some were inspirational, others motivational, but all were kind and loving. The possibility of rejections was supplanted.
Words of affirmation and encouragement made me feel strong. I felt courage surge through my body. I had friends that knew I could succeed and they stuck around until I knew they were right.
This creative bunch of friends have collectively become known to each other as unicorns. In folklore, unicorns represented purity and grace. They brought healing to others and were appreciated by a hurting world that needed hope.
My unicorns are pure in heart. They each want to come across as their authentic self. They also bring healing to their audiences. Some bring healing with humor, while others bring various types of emotional healing.
They have demonstrated compassion, grace, and even mercy. We have learned to boldly be who we are for all to see. There is no shrinking back. With their encouragement, I will continue to go live.
Join me as I continue on this journey. You’ll be able to see me for who I am. The transparency of the show is intriguing and you may learn a thing or two along the way. I’ll post links to my next show later this week.
Copyright © 2021 by CJ Powers