Years ago, I was a bit nervous on New Year’s Eve. The clock was ticking close to midnight. My date grabbed my arm and pulled me into the main room, where many paused their dancing to share the countdown. A champagne glass was placed in my hand, and the chanting started: 10… 9… 8….

She wasn’t really my date. If she were, she’d know I didn’t like champagne. I was only a family friend who was asked to keep her company during the event. She had to make an appearance for her boss, and more importantly, she had problems dating guys over the past year and was looking for a fresh start.

I was not supposed to be her fresh start, just her platonic friend for the night. But the countdown was about to prove that true or false. 3… 2… 1… “Happy New Year!”

She grabbed my neck and pulled me in for a kiss. I shifted my head, receiving her kiss on my cheek. She was furious. “Why couldn’t you just kiss me? It’s not the end of the world for you, and you ruined my fresh start.” She gulped her champagne, handed me the empty glass, and stormed out of the room.

After I received several mean glances from onlookers, a kind group of people drew me into their conversation while I waited for my date to return. The discussion was on target for the moment.

Every January, millions of people commit to a “fresh start.” It’s a time filled with hope and excitement for them. The air is filled with promises to wipe the slate clean, set ambitious goals, and transform lives. Gym memberships spike, planners sell out, and social media is flooded with declarations of “New Year, New Me.”

But by February, the enthusiasm fades. Resolutions are abandoned, and most people find themselves right back where they started—just like my date, who had just brought her dating problems into the new year.

“Why does this happen?” I asked those in the circle. 

“The answer lies in what I call the ‘Fresh Start Fallacy’—the idea that starting over is the best way to succeed, but it isn’t,” said the eldest man. Then, as if I had given him permission to rant, he got on his soapbox and gave me an ear full of wisdom. Here is what I learned.

The Problem with Fresh Starts

The allure of a fresh start is undeniable. The promise of leaving past failures behind and reinventing ourselves can be the perfect solution. We all need do-overs at some point in our lives. But the fresh start mindset has a significant flaw: it often overlooks the strengths, lessons, and progress we’ve already made.

Starting over can feel like erasing part of our history—a history that includes failures, valuable insights, and small foundational wins. Two decades ago, during my divorce, I learned so much about life and myself that if someone had offered me a time machine to correct the problems, I would have turned it down. What I gained through that growth period changed my life for the better.

So, making something disappear can harm our emotional and mental health. When we ignore what’s already working, we set ourselves up for overwhelm and burnout.

Here’s why starting over often fails:

• It disregards our strengths: By focusing only on who we want to become, we forget the habits and skills we already have. We lose sight of the silent strengths that have catapulted us to where we are today.
• It’s overwhelming. Trying to overhaul one’s life—diet, exercise, work habits—all at once is unsustainable. It takes too much effort to become something we are not yet.
• It relies on willpower: Willpower is a limited resource. We can’t always trump up what we need at any given moment. Some things have to be slowly built upon.

It’s no surprise that studies show 80% of New Year’s resolutions fail by February. But what if there’s a better way?

The Power of Building on What Works

Instead of starting fresh, what if we build on the progress we’ve already made? What if, instead of reinventing the wheel, we find small, overlooked habits and use them as a foundation for lasting change?

Sarah shared her transformation story and how she accidentally stumbled upon this approach.

Sarah’s Story: A Small Win That Changed Everything

Sarah was no stranger to New Year’s resolutions. She set ambitious goals every January: meal prep every Sunday, working out six days a week and cutting out all sugar. And every year, by week three, she was overwhelmed and exhausted.

This cycle of burnout left Sarah feeling like a failure. But one day, her coach asked her a simple question:

“What’s one thing you’ve done in the past that made you feel good?”

Sarah thought before answering, then said, “I used to take short walks with my dog in the evening. It wasn’t much, but it made me calm and clear-headed.”

That one memory became the key to Sarah’s success.

Instead of overhauling her life, Sarah started with a simple 10-minute evening walk. It didn’t feel like much, but it was something she could do consistently.

Over time, this tiny habit snowballed into significant changes. She began drinking more water during her walks and, shortly afterward, added light stretching. Soon, she felt motivated to incorporate a short workout into her routine.

By the end of the year, Sarah had lost weight, gained energy, and felt more confident. This was all because she had built on an already working habit: walking her dog.

Why Building on Small Wins Works

Sarah’s story highlights an important truth: We don’t need a blank slate to create change. We need a foundation—a small win on which to build.

Here’s why this approach is so powerful:

1. It leverages your strengths. By focusing on what’s already working, we build confidence and momentum. We often see the simple thing already working as easy or second nature, making adding a new habit effortlessly. 
2. It’s sustainable. Small, incremental changes are easier to maintain than sweeping overhauls. For example, if we walk every night for ten minutes, increasing our time to eleven minutes takes minimal effort.
3. It creates a ripple effect: One positive habit often leads to others, creating a chain reaction of improvement. For example, a simple walk empowers us to drink an extra glass of water, which helps us sleep better. As a result, the benefits grow.

How to Build on What’s Already Working

Ready to ditch the fresh start fallacy and try a new approach? Here’s how to get started:

1. Reflect on Your Past Wins

Take a few minutes to think about one tiny or simple thing you’ve done in the past that made you feel good. Maybe it’s something like drinking water in the morning, journaling, or walking. Whatever it is, write it down—this is your starting point.

2. Build on the Habit

Ask yourself: How can I expand on this habit? Here are some examples:

• If you enjoy walking, commit to a 10-minute walk each day.
• If you like preparing healthy snacks, set aside time to prep them for the week.
• If you meditate, add an extra minute to your practice.

The key is to keep it small and manageable. Building one little habit upon another is simple while building one big habit is nearly impossible. So, take action for the win.

3. Focus on Consistency, Not Perfection

Don’t worry about being perfect. What matters most is showing up consistently. Even small actions, when repeated daily, can build significant momentum over time.

If your mind often wanders to the point that consistency becomes challenging, shift your goal to persistence. Work on this angle until you can see your persistence in chasing after your goal has transformed into your being consistent.

So, here’s the challenge: What’s one small success from your past that you can build on today?

Think about what has worked for you before—something that made you feel good, even if it was just a simple habit. Reflect on how you can bring it back into your routine.

Start small, stay consistent, and watch those small steps grow into something meaningful.

My Date Returned

After spending some time in the lady’s room, my date returned. She apologized for wanting me to participate in her fantasy so she’d feel better about herself. I suggested that she should feel good about herself.

Her head tilted, and she gave me the most curious look. “What do you see in me that is of value?”

I said, “Your vulnerability and honesty are precious and powerful.” She smiled, took my arm, and motioned toward the coat check.

“What were you doing while I was gathering my thoughts?” she asked.

I shared about the Fresh Start Fallacy and how we don’t need to erase our past because it holds valuable clues about what works for us.

Launch A New Tiny Habit

Like Sarah, you can start with a tiny habit—something you’ve already done—and build on it. Over time, those small wins will create momentum, leading to lasting changes.

Imagine how different the new year could be if, instead of trying to reinvent ourselves, we embraced what’s already working and built on it. Our next steps are to reflect on our past wins, commit to a tiny action, and let that momentum carry us forward.

If you enjoyed this post, please share it with someone ready to make this year their best yet. Remember, significant changes start with small steps.

Copyright ©2024 by CJ Powers