Relationships Heal

The Shepherd’s Staff, made up of Ph.D.s and M.A.s, after decades of research and bringing health to the wounded and hurting, concluded that:

• Individuals grow through relationships
• Wounded people heal in relationships
• Unbelievers come to the Lord through relationships

Growth, healing and spirituality are tied to relationships. Basically, people need people. And, through these relationships people become whole, healthy and clear thinkers. They are able to understand things in life and embrace what is necessary for positive change.

Growth can come from the affects of iron sharpening iron, or simple words of encouragement. The key is for the communication to be in the best interest of the other person or the desire for them to be who they were meant to be – Not something different.

Last Sunday I had lunch with a couple of friends, which gave us an opportunity to catch up on our lives. During the conversation my one friend stated how important church was in his life, especially the worship. His words didn’t seem authentic to me, as I had watched him come late to church week after week. He would arrive just at the end of worship.

I asked him why his actions and words didn’t’ match up. He quickly pointed out that Saturday nights were his one time to let go and relax and he’d watch 2-3 movies, which many times caused him to wake up very late on Sunday mornings. I understood and then asked a clarifying question, “So, what I hear you saying is that your relaxation time on Saturday nights is more important than what you get out of Sunday mornings, right?”

My friend became angry because I didn’t believe how important Sunday mornings were to him. I told him that I would believe it the moment his words matched his actions. Then I saw the light bulb go off. He got it. He clarified that he didn’t’ realize his choices didn’t match his heart and he was going to do something about it immediately. He thanked me for pointing out what he hadn’t seen. He was determined to grow in the area of living with integrity.

The healing process is something I get to see every Thursday night with my leadership involvement in a divorce recovery program. One night we had a person who wanted to only speak the positive in hopes that she would recover quicker. After several weeks, she noticed that those who talked about their pain were healing faster than she was. I suggested that being authentic about our pain led to healing, while living in denial slowed the process.

Facing our problems can be uncomfortable, but it needs to happen if we are to become free from the three things that sets us back: An unrealistic worldview, sin in our lives, and the effects of our childhood. To be whole, we may need help from others to focus on those common issues we face. Whether it be a counselor, pastor or good listener, it is critical that we get outside perspective to help us understand how our viewpoint got skewed and how to reset it.

I’ve learned that the healing process always puts the person seeking help into a mode of desiring to understand how they were made and for what purpose. This undoubtedly creates a desire to seek their creator and learn about his design for their life.

When people realize who they are and what their purpose in life is, they become a lighthouse to others traversing the storms of life. They become icons of health and restoration. I’ve even seen the overflow of their lives ignite creativity and life-giving love within others, without any effort on their own part. It’s miraculous.

But, it all takes relationships with God, family and friends. We need each other to become the best us we can become. The rub comes in our societies trend of isolating people. We are given numerous opportunities to do things alone. There are less interactions at work thanks to email. The gym is loaded with people listening to music rather than engaging with others. The trains are packed with Kindle readers with few conversations about the books they’re reading.

Its time for us to build some relationships that heal.

Copyright © 2011 By CJ Powers
Photo © yanlev –