Last night I was at a special dinner party of business people and entrepreneurs. Everyone had a passion for their business and how they desired to make a significant difference in the lives they touched. Everyone I talked to carried him or herself well, was sincere in their approach and executed their elevator speech flawlessly.

I was so impressed by the first man I met that we continued talking well beyond the cursory five-minute business conversation. Fortunately, this gentleman knew how to find common ground in the conversation and expand his elevator speech into a discussion derived of benefits and captivating ideas that met my interests.

Not only was I impressed with the man, but I also wanted to figure out a way that our paths could cross again through some form of joint venture. The synergy that our two business styles could create was popping through my mind. It didn’t take long for me to realize that the worst-case scenario included me passing his name onto other business acquaintances that might need his services. He had sold me and I felt good about it.

Unfortunately, I had to endure some awkward conversations as well. The men and women were equally impressive, but their inability to take a conversation beyond the introductory elevator speech didn’t exist. For those who did everything right, but weren’t able to take the conversation to the next level, I’d like to share four things the first man did that might be of help.

1. Find Common Ground. During the initial exchange there will be some form of overlap in what people share. This is due to both individuals being business people or entrepreneurs. When you expand on this commonality, you immediately relax the other person and bring the conversation to a memorable level from which to share your ideas.

2. Give Them the WIFM. Everyone receives some form of benefit from time well spent. Sharing or clarifying the other person’s benefit, “What’s in it for Me,” gives the person a small sense of fulfillment, making them feel like their time was well spent. One man shared how his organization makes its donors feel valued and fulfilled, as he generated interest in his services.

3. Dive into Their Interests. The twinkle in the other person’s eye when you mentioned a particular point within the conversation hints of their interest that should be expounded on. If you aren’t able to pick up on their “tells”, then listen carefully to where they desire to take the conversation and support them in it. They will remember you as a great businessperson, even if they end up doing most of the talking.

4. Share the Rest of the Story. Don’t be shy about expanding your story to include additional facets of your business, as long as the other person is showing interest. Pay attention to their questions and respond enthusiastically, making sure they feel good about having inquired. Every question is a good one if asked by someone who is interested in the answer, so take time to elaborate on points that peak their curiosity.

The above ideas should always be shared off-the-cuff and not memorized. Since you know your business so well, share from the depths of your heartfelt passion, not from your head knowledge, as new people you meet will remember the feeling you gave them more than the words you shared.

Copyright © 2011 By CJ Powers

Photo © Marc Dietrich – Fotolia.com

The dating world has changed and many single women are forced to endure some of the cheesiest pick up lines ever. The funny thing is that most interested single men don’t realize their first comments count as a pick up line. Nor do they seem to be aware that their first four minutes with a woman sets the tone for the rest of the relationship.

This is not to put added pressure on the man who can barely lift his hopes that he might land a date, but it’s the harsh reality that people make quick judgments when they meet people. Everyone puts more weight than we’d like to admit in that first impression. The adage of not judging a book by it’s cover should hold true with dating as well, but we all know that we do judge books by their cover appeal.

Here are some of the latest Pick up lines I’ve over heard.

“Do I need to call security guards over to keep you from jumping all over me?”

“I’m in a hypnotic state after looking into your rich blue eyes.”

“What do you say we get this baby past a friendship and see how far it will take us.”

“I’d ask you to come back to my place, but I think we need to slow this show down a bit.”

I cringed when I heard these statements. And no, I don’t think they were in jest, but even if it were in jest… I’ve always wondered what runs through a woman’s mind after one of these lines. I can’t imagine it being anything worse than thinking about where the nearest waste can is in case she can’t hold down her last meal.

Several women who meet men online told me the first lines are worse than the samples I shared. One woman said that most guys say some of the stupidest things in hopes of being cute or humorous. Some comments were down right offensive to the women I spoke with.

To help the guy who typically goes down in flames, I have a few suggestions.

1. Introduce yourself by giving your name and raising a sincere question about a shared or like interest. If you don’t know any of her interests, then raise it about the circumstance you are currently in. If she likes you or likes to talk, you will get a generous response and your conversation will continue. If she isn’t interested, don’t take her silence as a mark against you, as it just might be her fear of strangers.

2. Hold back from talking about her beauty. She already knows that men are visual and the fact that you approached her gives the understanding that you like her looks. She’s more interested in finding out if you want to learn about how she thinks or if you just wanted to get a closer look and drool.

3. Listen carefully. Women send signals all the time and will tell you immediately if she desires the conversation to be extended or if she is just showing grace and letting you down easily. Keep in mind that rejection is a part of the game and if you deal with it graciously, you will soon be attracting other women who appreciate a man who understands.

Being a people person, I tend to start up conversations with men and women alike. If the men don’t want to talk, they tend to turn away and not say anything. If a woman has little interest, she will send numerous signals before she shuts you down, hoping you can take a hint before she has to pull out the 2X4.

When in a group setting, women send numerous other types of signals, letting you know if you’re too old for them or aren’t dressed in the style they like. I watched one 40 something man walk up to a 20 something woman and ask her about the Kindle she was reading. They both shared a common interest in paperless books that might have come across as them hitting it off.

However, the woman was brilliant in how she sent him additional signals suggesting that their technology moment was just about technology, in case he had a hidden agenda. She pointed out that she had started reading her Kindle when she graduated from college last year.

He was an intelligent man to respond to her comment by pointing out that his daughter had just graduated from college last May, which brought her relief – They both had acknowledged that the conversation was just about their love for technology. Everything had been communicated about their age difference and no one lost face.

I’m confident that women are just looking for a man who will properly introduce himself and strike up a normal conversation. Anything more puts him into the history books as a failed pick up line artist.

Ladies, am I right or wrong about this one?

Copyright © 2011 By CJ Powers
Photo © Tatjana Russita – Fotolia.com

I was startled by the preacher shouting at us from the other side of the tracks. Part of me was excited about reliving the old days of street preaching, while the other part of me cringed. After all, that style or approach went out in the late 70s, didn’t it?

His voice was loud and boomy so all could hear, but most physically turned and faced a different direction. I wasn’t sure if it was because they were wretched sinners or he was a nut case, so I listened more intently to find out.

His words were difficult to understand since he was using an archaic language that most on the platform didn’t understand. I believe its called Elizabethan English. When he stated, “God loveth and sheweth thy ways,” he almost lost me and I’m confident he lost most of the others.

Relevance, in my humble opinion, seems to be a much better place to start a discussion on who God is. Starting a discussion on the federal budget and the stock market plunging might be a better starting point for those standing by the train tracks awaiting their commute into Chicago.

Sharing the idea that our government, regardless of party, should never have racked up such a great debt to begin with, could be compared to how we’ve all made numerous mistakes in our lives and need God’s grace to move forward.

The crowds started to ramble about the “quack” across the tracks and a few entered into spiritual conversations as many had to quickly justify their current mind set or position on the topic. But, one thing was for certain, which the Apostle Paul suggested years ago, that even though some use little tact or relevance, they at least preach the good news and God can use it for his glory.

Paul’s message helped me to be thankful for the man’s presence, but it didn’t change my mind about the importance of being relevant. With thousands of 20 and 30 something’s leaving the church in droves, I can’t help but wonder how the church can be relevant today.

The thirty somethings are leaving the church because they can’t find anyone who is authentic. They are tired of people putting on a religious appearance and not living it. The twenty somethings are seeking a church that will make use of their service to their community, yet few churches are organizing ventures into neighborhoods, causing many to leave the church.

I was thrilled to hear about the 5,000 backpacks loaded with school supplies our church packed and gave away to kids who couldn’t afford the needed school supplies for this fall. It was just what the twenty somethings needed to express who their God is. And, about 500 thirty somethings were in Chicago on Saturday as volunteers to help people understand how God is relevant today, while being transparent to the ups and downs of living biblical lives. It was perfect for the thirty something volunteers.

Recently another church attempted to be relevant by showing up at the county fair and sponsoring a trivia both. The goal was to bring awareness to those who still have some things to learn, while rewarding those who knew the answers. It was their attempt to turn around Bible illiteracy. A recent Barna Group survey stated that only about 5% of Christians read the Bible. Some of their questions included:

What the name of Adam and Eve’s third son?

Can you state six of the ten commandments?

Can you name the two people who never died in the Bible?

Relevance is important to God, as he transcends all decades and cultural differences. He knows exactly how to speak to each person’s heart and those preaching need to find out how and what to share in various groups. The Bible is very relevant and simple, but some still try to make it sound complex and out of reach.

It didn’t surprise me to learn that the more current translations of the Bible have out sold the ones written for past generations. Nor did it surprise me that the most used evangelical Bible was also revised based on our cultural phrases and language. The old false saying that “If the King James was good enough for Paul, its good enough for me,” no longer means anything, except that the person didn’t know Paul wrote his letters in Greek around circa 60 and King James published his version of the Bible in 1604.

Relevance is important. Paul wrote contemporary letters to the churches learning about Christianity. King James commissioned the English translation of the Bible. And today, we can find graphic novel versions of the Bible and hear Bible verses rapped by street dancers. All because God wants his message of hope to be relevant for you and me today.