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January 6, 2025

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The Habit Hustle: Why Most Habit-Building Advice Fails and a Simpler Way to Stick With It

A surge of motivation to improve my life came with the new year. But it was week three, and that burst of enthusiasm was waning. I looked around me and saw that the number of gym visitors had dwindled. They probably lost their ambitious resolutions days before me. 

Why does this happen so consistently? 

I needed to explore other options to learn if there was a better way to make habits stick. I wanted to understand why most traditional habit-building advice fails and uncover a simpler, more effective approach—one that can transform our lives.

The Challenge of Sticking With Habits

How often have we started a new habit, only to abandon it within weeks? 

You may have planned to meditate every morning, hit the gym daily, or journal every night. At first, your motivation carried you. But soon, life got in the way. You skipped a day, then two, and before long, the habit vanished.

It’s frustrating. 

We had the best intentions and a solid plan, yet something didn’t stick. The issue isn’t our willpower or commitment. It has to be the system we use to build habits. Most traditional advice emphasizes grand plans and detailed tracking, but these methods seem to crumble under the unpredictability of real life.

Why Most Habit-Building Advice Fails

I tried to break down the common pitfalls of conventional habit-building strategies:

  1. Overwhelm: Setting ambitious goals, like exercising for an hour daily or preparing every meal from scratch, initially feels empowering. However, these significant changes quickly become exhausting and unsustainable.
  2. Dependence on Willpower: Willpower is a finite resource. It’s one of the first things to falter when you’re hungry, angry, lonely, or tired, not to mention overly busy and stressed. A system that relies too heavily on sheer determination is bound to fail.
  3. Lack of Flexibility: Life is unpredictable. When our routine is rigid, even a small disruption—like a hectic workday or unexpected obligation—can derail progress.

These challenges don’t reflect a lack of effort or discipline. They’re signs that the system needs an adjustment—one that makes habits easier to start and maintain.

The Micro-Habit Solution

The key to lasting habits isn’t about pushing harder or aiming higher; it’s about starting smaller. Enter micro-habits: tiny, easy-to-do actions that take less than two minutes. These bite-sized habits eliminate barriers to starting and build momentum that grows naturally over time.

Here’s why micro-habits work:

  • Ease of Starting: A small habit, like doing one push-up or drinking a glass of water, requires little effort or commitment, making it almost impossible to fail.
  • Momentum Creation: Small actions often lead to bigger ones. Once you’re on the floor for a push-up, you might do two or three. Over time, these tiny actions compound into meaningful routines.
  • Confidence Boost: Completing a micro-habit reinforces your ability to stick with it, creating a positive feedback loop.

James’ Single Push-Up

James was complaining to me about his workout. I listened patiently as he ranted about getting burned out after diving headfirst into his intense routines inspired by his hefty resolution. He was sore, fatigued, and frustrated.

John, one of the guys at the gym constantly exploring options on how to do things, came over and suggested a laughably simple alternative, “Do one push-up a day.” 

James laughed. He didn’t know if John was joking or serious. I was intrigued. 

“Come on now,” John said. “Drop to the floor and give me one.”

James looked at me. I shrugged, then gestured to the ground. James dropped down and did one push-up, then stood.

John shouted, “Yes!” Then he gave us both high fives. “I knew you could do it. You’ve just succeeded in your first of many daily habit-building pushups. Do this again tomorrow and the next day, then add one pushup each week, but no more than that. In no time, you’ll be doing 50 pushups a day like the pros.”

James told me he felt foolish and did 10 pushups daily for the rest of the week. Since he had a good base that his ego could handle, he shifted back and only added one pushup to his count every week.

His habit, which started with a number he couldn’t fail at, was building faster than anyone else in the gym. His new consistency made the difference.

James stuck with it because it never felt overwhelming. His success came not from sheer effort but from the simplicity of starting small.

Building Momentum with Micro-Habits

We can achieve similar results by following this simple three-step process:

1. Pick a Micro-Habit

Choose an action so small it feels impossible to fail, like:

  • Drink one glass of water each morning.
  • Write one sentence in a journal.
  • Stretch for 30 seconds before bed.

2. Attach It to an Existing Habit

Pair a new micro-habit with something you already do daily. This creates a natural cue, making it easier to remember. For example:

  • After brushing your teeth, do your pushups.
  • While waiting for your coffee to brew, drink a glass of water.
  • Before turning off the lights at night, stretch for 30 seconds.

3. Celebrate Small Wins

Each time you complete your micro-habit, celebrate—even if it’s just a mental “I did it!” This releases dopamine, reinforcing the behavior and making it more likely to stick. That’s precisely what happened when John gave James his high five.

The Power of Small Steps

Imagine if, like James, you started with a habit as small as one pushup and added another one each week. By the end of the year, you’d be at 50 pushups a day. That simple action could grow into a transformative and scalable routine. By eliminating overwhelm and focusing on easy wins, you set yourself up for long-term success.

It’s time for you to face your unexplored options. Pick one micro-habit and make it so small that it feels impossible to fail. Then, attach it to an existing routine and commit to it for the next week.

Don’t aim for perfection. Just start. Because once you’ve taken that first step, your celebration will create the momentum needed to keep going. Changes don’t happen overnight. They build with small, consistent steps.

By shifting your focus from grand plans to micro-habits, you can create a system that works with your life instead of against it. The journey to lasting change begins with a single, small step.

So, what’s your one push-up? Start there, and see how far it takes you.

If this approach resonates with you, share it with someone who might benefit from a simpler way to build habits.

Copyright © 2025 by CJ Powers

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December 30, 2024

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The Fresh Start Fallacy: Why Starting Over Often Fails—And What to Try Instead

Years ago, I was a bit nervous on New Year’s Eve. The clock was ticking close to midnight. My date grabbed my arm and pulled me into the main room, where many paused their dancing to share the countdown. A champagne glass was placed in my hand, and the chanting started: 10… 9… 8….

She wasn’t really my date. If she were, she’d know I didn’t like champagne. I was only a family friend who was asked to keep her company during the event. She had to make an appearance for her boss, and more importantly, she had problems dating guys over the past year and was looking for a fresh start.

I was not supposed to be her fresh start, just her platonic friend for the night. But the countdown was about to prove that true or false. 3… 2… 1… “Happy New Year!”

She grabbed my neck and pulled me in for a kiss. I shifted my head, receiving her kiss on my cheek. She was furious. “Why couldn’t you just kiss me? It’s not the end of the world for you, and you ruined my fresh start.” She gulped her champagne, handed me the empty glass, and stormed out of the room.

After I received several mean glances from onlookers, a kind group of people drew me into their conversation while I waited for my date to return. The discussion was on target for the moment.

Every January, millions of people commit to a “fresh start.” It’s a time filled with hope and excitement for them. The air is filled with promises to wipe the slate clean, set ambitious goals, and transform lives. Gym memberships spike, planners sell out, and social media is flooded with declarations of “New Year, New Me.”

But by February, the enthusiasm fades. Resolutions are abandoned, and most people find themselves right back where they started—just like my date, who had just brought her dating problems into the new year.

“Why does this happen?” I asked those in the circle. 

“The answer lies in what I call the ‘Fresh Start Fallacy’—the idea that starting over is the best way to succeed, but it isn’t,” said the eldest man. Then, as if I had given him permission to rant, he got on his soapbox and gave me an ear full of wisdom. Here is what I learned.

The Problem with Fresh Starts

The allure of a fresh start is undeniable. The promise of leaving past failures behind and reinventing ourselves can be the perfect solution. We all need do-overs at some point in our lives. But the fresh start mindset has a significant flaw: it often overlooks the strengths, lessons, and progress we’ve already made.

Starting over can feel like erasing part of our history—a history that includes failures, valuable insights, and small foundational wins. Two decades ago, during my divorce, I learned so much about life and myself that if someone had offered me a time machine to correct the problems, I would have turned it down. What I gained through that growth period changed my life for the better.

So, making something disappear can harm our emotional and mental health. When we ignore what’s already working, we set ourselves up for overwhelm and burnout.

Here’s why starting over often fails:

  • It disregards our strengths: By focusing only on who we want to become, we forget the habits and skills we already have. We lose sight of the silent strengths that have catapulted us to where we are today.
  • It’s overwhelming. Trying to overhaul one’s life—diet, exercise, work habits—all at once is unsustainable. It takes too much effort to become something we are not yet.
  • It relies on willpower: Willpower is a limited resource. We can’t always trump up what we need at any given moment. Some things have to be slowly built upon.

It’s no surprise that studies show 80% of New Year’s resolutions fail by February. But what if there’s a better way?

The Power of Building on What Works

Instead of starting fresh, what if we build on the progress we’ve already made? What if, instead of reinventing the wheel, we find small, overlooked habits and use them as a foundation for lasting change?

Sarah shared her transformation story and how she accidentally stumbled upon this approach.

Sarah’s Story: A Small Win That Changed Everything

Sarah was no stranger to New Year’s resolutions. She set ambitious goals every January: meal prep every Sunday, working out six days a week and cutting out all sugar. And every year, by week three, she was overwhelmed and exhausted.

This cycle of burnout left Sarah feeling like a failure. But one day, her coach asked her a simple question:

“What’s one thing you’ve done in the past that made you feel good?”

Sarah thought before answering, then said, “I used to take short walks with my dog in the evening. It wasn’t much, but it made me calm and clear-headed.”

That one memory became the key to Sarah’s success.

Instead of overhauling her life, Sarah started with a simple 10-minute evening walk. It didn’t feel like much, but it was something she could do consistently.

Over time, this tiny habit snowballed into significant changes. She began drinking more water during her walks and, shortly afterward, added light stretching. Soon, she felt motivated to incorporate a short workout into her routine.

By the end of the year, Sarah had lost weight, gained energy, and felt more confident. This was all because she had built on an already working habit: walking her dog.

Why Building on Small Wins Works

Sarah’s story highlights an important truth: We don’t need a blank slate to create change. We need a foundation—a small win on which to build.

Here’s why this approach is so powerful:

  1. It leverages your strengths. By focusing on what’s already working, we build confidence and momentum. We often see the simple thing already working as easy or second nature, making adding a new habit effortlessly. 
  2. It’s sustainable. Small, incremental changes are easier to maintain than sweeping overhauls. For example, if we walk every night for ten minutes, increasing our time to eleven minutes takes minimal effort.
  3. It creates a ripple effect: One positive habit often leads to others, creating a chain reaction of improvement. For example, a simple walk empowers us to drink an extra glass of water, which helps us sleep better. As a result, the benefits grow.

How to Build on What’s Already Working

Ready to ditch the fresh start fallacy and try a new approach? Here’s how to get started:

1. Reflect on Your Past Wins

Take a few minutes to think about one tiny or simple thing you’ve done in the past that made you feel good. Maybe it’s something like drinking water in the morning, journaling, or walking. Whatever it is, write it down—this is your starting point.

2. Build on the Habit

Ask yourself: How can I expand on this habit? Here are some examples:

  • If you enjoy walking, commit to a 10-minute walk each day.
  • If you like preparing healthy snacks, set aside time to prep them for the week.
  • If you meditate, add an extra minute to your practice.

The key is to keep it small and manageable. Building one little habit upon another is simple while building one big habit is nearly impossible. So, take action for the win.

3. Focus on Consistency, Not Perfection

Don’t worry about being perfect. What matters most is showing up consistently. Even small actions, when repeated daily, can build significant momentum over time.

If your mind often wanders to the point that consistency becomes challenging, shift your goal to persistence. Work on this angle until you can see your persistence in chasing after your goal has transformed into your being consistent.

So, here’s the challenge: What’s one small success from your past that you can build on today?

Think about what has worked for you before—something that made you feel good, even if it was just a simple habit. Reflect on how you can bring it back into your routine.

Start small, stay consistent, and watch those small steps grow into something meaningful.

My Date Returned

After spending some time in the lady’s room, my date returned. She apologized for wanting me to participate in her fantasy so she’d feel better about herself. I suggested that she should feel good about herself.

Her head tilted, and she gave me the most curious look. “What do you see in me that is of value?”

I said, “Your vulnerability and honesty are precious and powerful.” She smiled, took my arm, and motioned toward the coat check.

“What were you doing while I was gathering my thoughts?” she asked.

I shared about the Fresh Start Fallacy and how we don’t need to erase our past because it holds valuable clues about what works for us.

Launch A New Tiny Habit

Like Sarah, you can start with a tiny habit—something you’ve already done—and build on it. Over time, those small wins will create momentum, leading to lasting changes.

Imagine how different the new year could be if, instead of trying to reinvent ourselves, we embraced what’s already working and built on it. Our next steps are to reflect on our past wins, commit to a tiny action, and let that momentum carry us forward.

If you enjoyed this post, please share it with someone ready to make this year their best yet. Remember, significant changes start with small steps.

Copyright ©2024 by CJ Powers

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October 26, 2024

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The Story of Empathy: How Narratives Connect Us

When my friend announced he was terminally ill, he guessed that he had 3-6 months left. To simplify sharing this story, let’s call him Frank. Not long after, I was asked to visit him in the hospital for a final goodbye.

I feel unsettled in hospitals. They are places where people seem to lose their freedom and, often, their lives. In some hospitals I’ve visited, the medical staff told patients they were their advocates but demanded strict obedience to every command.

As for the hospital Frank was in, I wasn’t there long enough to learn its disposition.

I walked into Frank’s room, where he was surrounded by people praying for him. He wasn’t conscious, so I considered leaving. A friendly pastor stepped beside me and gently shared that Frank had asked me to be present when he “transitioned to heaven.”

One praying woman paused as if listening to a spiritual cue and invited everyone to place their hand on Frank and pray for his transition. I wanted to run but lifted my hand toward him and froze. My eyes landed on his dried-out, bare feet poking out from the covers. His toenails were extraordinarily long and curled — a mangled mess.

Why hadn’t the doctor or nurse cut them? What about one of his friends? Would I have helped if he had asked?

I looked around the room and realized everyone knew Frank better than I did. They were deeply connected to him and fulfilled his final requests. I admired their passion and dedication to supporting him, yet I felt out of place. I had come to offer encouragement, but all I could truly offer was my presence. It was humbling, and I felt inadequate.

My mind wandered as I contemplated how the various personal connections in the room worked. As a storyteller who needs to connect with his audience, I wanted to determine what brought these unlikely friends together.

The most significant connection point I saw was a generous supply of empathy.

Empathy Based Connections

Empathy is an understanding that reaches beyond words, where you connect with emotions beyond your own experience. The various levels of empathy in the room were based on each of their stories with Frank.

But empathy isn’t merely an emotional response; it’s a neurochemical reaction.

Neuroscientist Paul Zak’s research shows that emotionally rich narratives release oxytocin, sometimes called the “empathy hormone.” This chemical reaction fosters trust, compassion, and even altruism — qualities that bring people together in powerful ways.

In his studies, Zak found that participants who engaged with powerful, emotional stories were more likely to donate time or money afterward. This demonstrates how story-driven empathy inspires action. When experienced deeply, empathy calls us to connect and care.

Story Transportation

As a storyteller, I’ve often considered the role of empathy in connecting with audiences. One fundamental storytelling principle is known as “transportation.” When a narrative draws in a listener, their mind becomes “transported” into the story, aligning with the storyteller’s emotions and perspectives. This neural coupling creates a shared experience, making it easier for the audience to feel the feelings as if they were their own.

Reflecting on my relationship with Frank, I remembered how he had confided in me during his divorce. We bonded over his struggles, and I offered him practical advice, drawing from my nine years co-leading a Divorce Care program. Together, we navigated the emotional terrain of recovery, with me sharing stories of resilience that he absorbed and later used to help others facing similar heartaches.

Storytelling is a bridge that allows us to share vulnerability and hope.

Narrative Medicine

In the hospital room, I saw narrative medicine in action. Studies from St. Jude Research indicate that when medical practitioners engage with patients through storytelling, they see beyond the symptoms and connect with the human experience of suffering and resilience. This approach, known as narrative medicine, creates a shared understanding that transforms clinical interactions. By sharing personal stories, caregivers and patients form bonds beyond clinical diagnoses.

Just as I had shared recovery stories with Frank during our talks, he had, in turn, shared his experiences with others, touching lives and fostering resilience. Storytelling wasn’t merely a tool for understanding; it became a way for him to build empathy and create meaningful connections, and the people in this room were examples.

As the prayer group’s voices grew louder, I was pulled back into the moment. Frank’s friends smiled and laughed, confident he was transitioning. I looked at him one last time, whispering quiet words of gratitude for his life and how he’d impacted others.

The Transition

Frank was propped up by pillows like someone reading a book in bed. He looked like he was watching his friends cheer him on.

Then Frank slumped, and the heart monitor flatlined. No alarms sounded; he had signed a “Do Not Resuscitate” form. His friends reached for their coats, chatting about what a wonderful person he was. I stood quietly, processing the moment as they walked down the hallway. Somehow, Frank wanted me present despite my limited role in his life.

Suddenly, Frank’s body moved as though leaning forward to look at me. Startled, I let out a loud gasp. The pastor quickly stepped beside me and explained that sometimes the body releases gases or twitches after death, causing unexpected movements.

He placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder, reminding me of the difference my presence made in Frank’s life. He encouraged me to continue sharing stories, for they had the power to heal and inspire.

As the nurses came to disconnect the medical equipment, I whispered, “Goodbye, my friend.” At that moment, my perspective on hospitals shifted. They no longer seemed like cold places governed by strict authority. Instead, they felt like spaces where loved ones had one final opportunity to express their care, remember a few stories, and share farewells.

The Timeless Practice of Storytelling

I realized that storytelling is a timeless practice with a profound purpose. It draws people together, creating shared moments of understanding that transcend individual experiences. Through storytelling, we build communities of listeners prepared to engage in compassionate action.

One of the greatest gifts my father gave me was the ability to share stories from the heart. I’ve seen how stories can touch the lives of others, leaving a lasting impact that continues through generations.

I encourage you to find opportunities to share your stories. Doing so will build enduring connections and create a legacy of empathy and compassion.

Copyright © 2024 by CJ Powers