Author Archives: CJ Powers

Standard

Posted by

Posted on

December 19, 2024

Posted under

Unexplored Options

Comments

2 Comments

A Well-Worn Pair of Gym Shoes

The New Year is coming, and my buddies and I chatted at the gym. The conversation was a repeat of the last three years. We made a gentleman’s bet on the week in February when the cramped gym space would return to normal for the remainder of the year.

Every year, we watch a large group of hopefuls show up to get stronger or skinnier within an unrealistic time frame. Most of them refuse to socialize with those of us who work out regularly, so we feel awkward when compelled to point out their unsafe technique. Most of them overdo their workout or strain something, so we’re not surprised when they seldom return.

These patterns appear the first week of every January and vanish sometime in February, with a few March exits. According to statistics, 80% of New Year hopefuls abandon their fitness goals by February, a pattern we’ve observed firsthand at the gym. The guys always speculate on why those desiring change don’t explore the option each of us selected.

We all started in a simple manner that made it impossible to fail.

We also slowly stacked new habits on top of our working habits, celebrated small wins to drive up dopamine to keep us going, and gained pointers from the guys who showed up daily. Let me break these four things down for you.

Start Small and Keep It Simple

When I first stepped into the gym, I didn’t know anyone, and I was intimidated by those who had more toned muscles than me. Part of me wanted to show off my incredible leg strength, which during my school years allowed me, a 160-lb. guy at the time, to drive 325-lb. guys off the line of scrimmage in football.

However, if I focused on my leg strength, people would soon learn that my upper body strength was below average. So, I considered what might work for my current state of disrepair.

I didn’t aim to deadlift my body weight or run a 5K in a month. Instead, I started with what felt achievable: 15 minutes on a slow treadmill and a few minutes on a single set of weights. Small wins built my confidence and, over time, my stamina.

The trick?

I didn’t overwhelm myself with a massive overhaul. Instead of trying to change everything at once, I picked one action that felt manageable. Once I felt comfortable with my small, consistent actions, I realized I could build on them by tying new habits into my routine.

Stack Habits for Lasting Success

You might think habit-building sounds like another buzzword, but trust me—it works. The gym regulars all found ways to tie new habits into their routines. It was as simple as putting my gym clothes and shoes in the bathroom next to the vanity the night before. That small act made it easy for me to head to the gym first thing in the morning. One of the guys always tossed his gym bag in the car the night before, so when he got off work, he headed straight for the gym.

The secret is linking a new habit to an existing habit.

My nightly ritual of washing my face and brushing my teeth was extended to include placing gym clothes next to the vanity. By linking a new habit to a standard habit, we reduce the obstacles that might hinder our choice to improve ourselves.

Celebrate the Small Wins

Here’s where the magic happens—dopamine. When you hit a small goal, like running for two minutes longer or lifting two pounds heavier, that little rush of accomplishment keeps you returning to the gym.

Dopamine is a neurotransmitter in the brain often referred to as the “feel-good” chemical. It plays a critical role in our motivation, reward system, and ability to experience pleasure. When we achieve a goal, no matter how big or small, our brain releases dopamine, creating a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment.

This chemical reward encourages us to repeat behaviors that lead to success or joy, making it a key driver for habit formation and goal-setting. By celebrating small wins, we can leverage dopamine to build momentum, sustain motivation, and focus on long-term objectives.

While dopamine is incredibly motivating, it’s essential to manage it wisely. Negative self-talk can interfere with your brain’s release of this reward chemical. Instead, focus on celebrating each win to keep your motivation strong.

All you need is a 1% improvement over yesterday’s exercise to celebrate and release dopamine. Just do one more push-up, increase your dumbells by 2 lbs., or walk around the track one additional lap. Then celebrate the win.

We forget that if a person improves their efforts by 1% each day for an entire year, their improvement by the end of the year would be 36X your starting point. This exponential growth demonstrates the power of consistent, incremental progress over time. So feel free to start as simply as you can.

Learn from Those Who Show Up

One of the best-kept secrets of sticking to fitness is learning from those already doing it. The regulars at the gym aren’t just there to show off; they’re a goldmine of knowledge. I didn’t hesitate to ask for tips or advice when I started. Most people are happy to share what’s worked for them because they remember being a newbie, too.

By leaning on the experience of others, I avoided common pitfalls and even picked up new techniques that kept things fresh. If you’re new to something—the gym, saving money, or building relationships—don’t underestimate the power of learning from those who’ve been where you are.

Besides, most regulars are kinder than those you might see at work. They are worth getting to know.

The Simple Step of Shoes

For months, a friend—let’s call him Mike—talked about returning to the gym. He’d tell me every Monday, “This is the week I’ll hit the gym.” But Monday would roll into Friday, and he’d have an excuse. Too tired. Too busy. Too something.

Mike, like so many of us, wanted to start but felt overwhelmed by the idea of doing it all at once. That’s why I challenged him to focus on just one small step. “Don’t think about the whole gym thing. Just set your gym shoes and clothes out the night before. That’s it.”

Mike laughed at me because he was capable of so much more. I told him to appease me and do it. The following morning, he saw his gym shoes and clothes sitting out and thought, Well, I might as well put them on. Once dressed, he figured he could at least drive to the gym. Walking through the doors, he still didn’t have a plan. So, he picked one machine—the rowing machine—set the timer for 4 minutes and started.

That seemingly insignificant step turned into something bigger. He repeated the process. His clothes were out, so he dressed and headed to the rowing machine. He added a minute to the timer and saw another day of success. A month later, he added weights to his routine. And by the end of three months, Mike was thriving and had increased his stamina.

Mike swears it all started with those shoes. Setting his shoes and clothing out the night before created a chain reaction of small, achievable actions. Over time, those actions became habits that transformed his life.

What’s Your Shoe Moment?

What is that super simple step that is so easy you feel foolish if you don’t do something more?

That simple step is not foolish at all. Maybe it’s setting out clothes, packing a healthy snack, or checking out those unexplored options you’ve never considered but work for others. It might be the very thing that will bring you enough success to motivate you and your following steps.

So, as my buddies and I wait to see how long the gym crowds stick around next year, I hope you’ll be the one who stays. Start with your ‘shoe moment’ tonight, and let that simple habit guide you to your desired transformation.

Copyright © 2024 by CJ Powers

Standard

Posted by

Posted on

October 26, 2024

Posted under

Connection

Comments

Leave a comment

The Story of Empathy: How Narratives Connect Us

When my friend announced he was terminally ill, he guessed that he had 3-6 months left. To simplify sharing this story, let’s call him Frank. Not long after, I was asked to visit him in the hospital for a final goodbye.

I feel unsettled in hospitals. They are places where people seem to lose their freedom and, often, their lives. In some hospitals I’ve visited, the medical staff told patients they were their advocates but demanded strict obedience to every command.

As for the hospital Frank was in, I wasn’t there long enough to learn its disposition.

I walked into Frank’s room, where he was surrounded by people praying for him. He wasn’t conscious, so I considered leaving. A friendly pastor stepped beside me and gently shared that Frank had asked me to be present when he “transitioned to heaven.”

One praying woman paused as if listening to a spiritual cue and invited everyone to place their hand on Frank and pray for his transition. I wanted to run but lifted my hand toward him and froze. My eyes landed on his dried-out, bare feet poking out from the covers. His toenails were extraordinarily long and curled — a mangled mess.

Why hadn’t the doctor or nurse cut them? What about one of his friends? Would I have helped if he had asked?

I looked around the room and realized everyone knew Frank better than I did. They were deeply connected to him and fulfilled his final requests. I admired their passion and dedication to supporting him, yet I felt out of place. I had come to offer encouragement, but all I could truly offer was my presence. It was humbling, and I felt inadequate.

My mind wandered as I contemplated how the various personal connections in the room worked. As a storyteller who needs to connect with his audience, I wanted to determine what brought these unlikely friends together.

The most significant connection point I saw was a generous supply of empathy.

Empathy Based Connections

Empathy is an understanding that reaches beyond words, where you connect with emotions beyond your own experience. The various levels of empathy in the room were based on each of their stories with Frank.

But empathy isn’t merely an emotional response; it’s a neurochemical reaction.

Neuroscientist Paul Zak’s research shows that emotionally rich narratives release oxytocin, sometimes called the “empathy hormone.” This chemical reaction fosters trust, compassion, and even altruism — qualities that bring people together in powerful ways.

In his studies, Zak found that participants who engaged with powerful, emotional stories were more likely to donate time or money afterward. This demonstrates how story-driven empathy inspires action. When experienced deeply, empathy calls us to connect and care.

Story Transportation

As a storyteller, I’ve often considered the role of empathy in connecting with audiences. One fundamental storytelling principle is known as “transportation.” When a narrative draws in a listener, their mind becomes “transported” into the story, aligning with the storyteller’s emotions and perspectives. This neural coupling creates a shared experience, making it easier for the audience to feel the feelings as if they were their own.

Reflecting on my relationship with Frank, I remembered how he had confided in me during his divorce. We bonded over his struggles, and I offered him practical advice, drawing from my nine years co-leading a Divorce Care program. Together, we navigated the emotional terrain of recovery, with me sharing stories of resilience that he absorbed and later used to help others facing similar heartaches.

Storytelling is a bridge that allows us to share vulnerability and hope.

Narrative Medicine

In the hospital room, I saw narrative medicine in action. Studies from St. Jude Research indicate that when medical practitioners engage with patients through storytelling, they see beyond the symptoms and connect with the human experience of suffering and resilience. This approach, known as narrative medicine, creates a shared understanding that transforms clinical interactions. By sharing personal stories, caregivers and patients form bonds beyond clinical diagnoses.

Just as I had shared recovery stories with Frank during our talks, he had, in turn, shared his experiences with others, touching lives and fostering resilience. Storytelling wasn’t merely a tool for understanding; it became a way for him to build empathy and create meaningful connections, and the people in this room were examples.

As the prayer group’s voices grew louder, I was pulled back into the moment. Frank’s friends smiled and laughed, confident he was transitioning. I looked at him one last time, whispering quiet words of gratitude for his life and how he’d impacted others.

The Transition

Frank was propped up by pillows like someone reading a book in bed. He looked like he was watching his friends cheer him on.

Then Frank slumped, and the heart monitor flatlined. No alarms sounded; he had signed a “Do Not Resuscitate” form. His friends reached for their coats, chatting about what a wonderful person he was. I stood quietly, processing the moment as they walked down the hallway. Somehow, Frank wanted me present despite my limited role in his life.

Suddenly, Frank’s body moved as though leaning forward to look at me. Startled, I let out a loud gasp. The pastor quickly stepped beside me and explained that sometimes the body releases gases or twitches after death, causing unexpected movements.

He placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder, reminding me of the difference my presence made in Frank’s life. He encouraged me to continue sharing stories, for they had the power to heal and inspire.

As the nurses came to disconnect the medical equipment, I whispered, “Goodbye, my friend.” At that moment, my perspective on hospitals shifted. They no longer seemed like cold places governed by strict authority. Instead, they felt like spaces where loved ones had one final opportunity to express their care, remember a few stories, and share farewells.

The Timeless Practice of Storytelling

I realized that storytelling is a timeless practice with a profound purpose. It draws people together, creating shared moments of understanding that transcend individual experiences. Through storytelling, we build communities of listeners prepared to engage in compassionate action.

One of the greatest gifts my father gave me was the ability to share stories from the heart. I’ve seen how stories can touch the lives of others, leaving a lasting impact that continues through generations.

I encourage you to find opportunities to share your stories. Doing so will build enduring connections and create a legacy of empathy and compassion.

Copyright © 2024 by CJ Powers

Standard

Posted by

Posted on

October 20, 2024

Posted under

collaboration, communication, Connection

Comments

1 Comment

Canoe Expedition Gone Wrong: The Secret to Forging Strong Personal and Professional Bonds

I was where adventure meets beauty. A group of guys headed into northern Wisconsin for a weekend canoe trip. The journey was meant to be relaxing—canoeing a chain of lakes surrounded by nature. A bald eagle flew overhead as this group of macho guys launched our canoes into the fresh waters.

A couple of guys stared at the soaring eagle. The majestic bird was a first for them. I had lost some of my awe, having shot hours of film documenting the lifestyle of a family or brood of eagles. My best footage included eagles soaring for a significant period without flapping their wings and diving into the lake for their morning catch.

Our gawkers finally chilled after a half mile into our canoeing expedition. The guys who weren’t fans of the great outdoors started asking how long until we stopped to make camp. These were grown men.

I estimated another eight hours if all went well, but as anyone who’s spent time outdoors knows, things don’t always go as planned. We soon struggled with low water levels, forcing us to portage the canoes several times. The drought that year had damaged the channels between the lakes.

We portaged in mud, across fallen tree branches visible for the first time in a decade, and a few old rusty appliances that owners didn’t want to pay a landfill charge to dispose of. The guys’ weekend out had become a grueling challenge with rising tension.

Conflict is often seen as something to avoid in personal and professional relationships. We instinctively shy away, thinking it might damage our bonds or cause lasting tension. But what if we reframe our view of conflict? What if we see it as a tool that can bring us closer together, build stronger connections, and foster resilience instead of avoiding it?

The hot sun quickly revealed who didn’t think to bring fresh water. One guy griped that he didn’t know he’d need any since we were canoeing in fresh water. But the low water levels meant muddy and undrinkable water.

As we faced and overcame these shared challenges, our group held together. We bonded in ways that might never have happened under easier circumstances.

The Power of Shared Challenges

When discussing connections, it’s easy to focus on the good times—the celebrations, the wins, the moments of joy. But it’s often the hard times that bring people closer. Shared adversity can be powerful, forging bonds far more substantial than those built during relaxed times.

Research in social psychology supports this idea. When people face challenges or conflict together, they often develop a sense of solidarity and trust. This is sometimes called the “misery loves company” effect.

Studies show that people who experience difficult situations together are more likely to feel connected to one another. They develop a bond strengthened by their mutual experience of overcoming obstacles.

My canoe trip was no different. The initial conflict felt inevitable as we encountered challenge after challenge—canoes hitting ground, shoes disappearing in the deep mud, and heavy gear sinking when rookies tried to climb out of the canoes incorrectly. Everyone had their idea of how to proceed, and disagreements flared as exhaustion set in.

Something fascinating happened as the sun set and the surrounding sounds shifted to night creatures. We realized that if we were going to make it through the trip, we had to stop seeing each other as obstacles and start seeing each other as teammates. This is where shared challenges turn into shared strength.

I took over cooking when several guys realized they had lost their food stashes while portaging a channel. The guys were exhausted, and I was the only one with a history of making great food for a group of guys in a short time—thanks to the summer scouting jamborees I participated in as a kid.

Transforming Conflict Through Communication and Collaboration

That evening, as we ate under the stars, communication became our most important tool. Instead of bickering or letting frustrations simmer beneath the surface, we aired our grievances and figured out how to work together. This was our needed turning point, a lesson that also empowers any relationship, personal or professional.

Effective communication is the foundation of any strong connection.

Whether navigating a challenging canoe trip or managing a complex project at work, the ability to communicate openly, listen to each other’s perspectives, and collaborate on solutions allows us to move forward productively. Once we started talking openly, we quickly realized everyone felt the same strain and pressure but expressed it differently.

We could finally address the real issues and move beyond the conflict by bringing everything out into the open. Our process aligns with research from Dr. Dean Tjosvold, a prominent conflict management expert who emphasizes the importance of open communication and cooperative conflict resolution.

According to Tjosvold, conflict isn’t necessarily damaging. How we handle it determines whether it strengthens or weakens our relationships. By focusing on collaborative problem-solving, we can transform disagreements into opportunities to deepen trust and build stronger connections.

Avoiding Toxic Positivity with Authenticity

With the sunrise came a shift in wilderness sounds. I took a deep breath of fresh air and contemplated our incredible discussion from our first night together. With everyone on the same page, this would be an exhilarating day until it wasn’t.

One of the guys became overwhelmingly positive. His mindset was hyperfocused and far from the truth compared to the more authentic men. His overzealous behavior was enough to force several fists to clench. I would’ve been one of them, but I firmly believe in showing new mercies every morning, so I released my expectations for the day and relaxed.

That’s not to say I didn’t wonder about his toxic positivity. This occurs when we try to cover up the negative aspects of a situation with forced optimism, thinking that if we stay positive, everything will be fine. But as my group learned on that trip, ignoring or dismissing our real challenges would have only worsened things.

Pretending that everything was okay would not have eased the physical strain or solved the practical problems of navigating the chain of lakes.

Toxic positivity can be especially damaging in professional settings, where there is often pressure to maintain a positive front at all costs. But when we gloss over difficulties, we miss the chance to engage in authentic problem-solving and personal growth. Real connection comes from acknowledging the full spectrum of our experiences—the good and the bad, the easy and the hard.

Humor and Reflection: Finding Meaning in the Struggle

Mr. Positivity finally exhausted himself and fell asleep in the canoe. The team pointed out that his yapper was shut, and we would have peace for the next few miles. We had additional good news: the water levels at our lower elevation were much deeper, so we no longer had to portage between lakes.

The sun hid behind a giant fluffy cloud, and a cool breeze cut across the lake. We were going to have a great ending to our trip. My canoe suddenly shifted sideways. Others were alerted to the water rippling around rocks like we had entered level 4 rapids.

Excitement reenergized the guys, and we shot forward into the light rapids with the enthusiasm of a race team. We jokingly talked sports trash as we maneuvered the small rapids, shooting down the short but steep channel to our destination lake. We ended the trip as if something remarkable had happened.

Weeks later, Mr. Positivity did a few speaking engagements, sharing how he took control of a canoe trip gone wrong and forced it into submission. He shared his moment of empowerment when he got us to safety for a glorious night under the stars, inspired us with his campfire stories, and motivated us to take class 4 rapids to finish off our trip of overcoming nature.

A handful of guys altered their memories to match the well-received positive story.

But four of us held to the unattractive truth. We faced heavy bouts of adversity in our “relaxing” canoe expedition. Some were self-inflicted by our ignorance, others inflicted by a drought, and still others inflicted by the stupidity of guys trying to be macho. We had endured physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion and found ourselves to be far more resilient than any one of us would’ve expected.

We found meaning in the struggle and even laughed at it. Later, I learned that laughing at our hardships is an essential part of turning conflict into connection. When we look back on challenges, we often find that the things that seemed overwhelming become the stories we tell with pride.

The hardships bind us together and make the good times even more meaningful.

Applying These Lessons to Your Connections

The lessons from this trip apply to personal and professional relationships. Conflict is inevitable in any setting, whether a team project, a business partnership, or a working relationship with colleagues. But if we approach it with the right mindset—seeing it as an opportunity for communication, connection, and collaboration—it can become one of the most powerful tools for building trust and strengthening bonds.

The best teams have faced challenges together and emerged stronger. The key is to engage in open communication, address the real issues, and avoid the trap of toxic positivity. By embracing the whole reality of the situation and working together to find solutions, we can create far more resilient and lasting connections.

At its core, conflict isn’t something to be feared. It’s a natural part of any relationship; when handled well, it can bring people closer. Shared challenges offer us the opportunity to strengthen our bonds, deepen our understanding of one another, and emerge stronger and more connected.

Copyright © 2024 by CJ Powers