Every Thursday night I co-lead a divorce recovery class with caring people. These are the type of people that hold a significant amount of compassion and mercy in their hearts for others. You know the type, the ones who show you grace after every foolish thing you say or do, because they believe in you and where you’re headed.

On Monday this week, I learned that the program we use is shared in over 4,000 other communities. I also learned that our group attracted the attention of an organization who stated that we are in the top 100 of communities that run the program.

It didn’t take long for me to realize that our group’s greatest assets are its leaders. I am surrounded by people who care and know how to love the hurting. These men and women share and serve from the depths of their heart, many times reliving painful memories in order to stay sensitive and console those with fresh wounds.

In sharing with the team about the recognition, I took the opportunity to thank each of them for their wonderful contributions. The program couldn’t be what it is without them. People are always the greatest asset of an organization regardless of the nay-sayers who spout off about everyone being replaceable.

People can never be replaced, as each one is unique and has special gifts, ideas and services to share. My co-leaders are especially equipped to help others lighten their load and see passed their circumstances to the values residing within their souls. What a generous gift they have to offer.

Reflecting back over the past seven years of service, I couldn’t help but realize that I was the weakest link on the team. Nor could I help but to be thankful for my co-leaders encouraging me and helping me to help others. I’ve learned a lot from each one and I’m honored to call them my friends.

The sacrificial giving of their time was rewarded, not by the organization I chatted with, but by the smiles of gratitude from each person completing our program. The funny thing about those thanking us at the end of each session is that they barely can comprehend how much we learned from them.

I must admit that I’ve grown more as a leader through this program than when I attended it as a guest. In fact, helping the hurting realize how valuable they are and watching their self-esteem rise, is a blessing beyond explanation. I’m in awe of the joy and peace that comes to us leaders through the program. I’m also amazed when many return a few years later to give us an update on their lives.

We’ve seen the wealthy and the poor come through our doors. We’ve seen the scholar and the drop out. We’ve seen the professional and the blue-collar worker. And, we’ve seen the once confident and the abused. In all cases, we’ve seen hurting people reengaged in life.

Is there some where were you can serve? Is there a place were you can give without receiving anything in return?

It took me a while to find a place where I could serve without getting anything in return. But, the funny thing is, I’ve found that I have benefited far more than anyone else in the process. I have been in awe of each leader and find myself giving respect to everyone who walks through our doors. They are the ones who have decided to do the hard work, making themselves mentally and emotionally healthy after being dealt such a devastating blow, and they are the ones that go on to stand by the side of others experiencing difficult days. They are the reason our group made it to the top 100.

Copyright © 2011 By CJ Powers
Photo © Sprinter81 – Fotolia.com

My friend Laura and I were on a fast paced walk through the forest preserve last night when we heard the first tornado siren. We quickly checked our location and found that we were 2.5 miles from our cars. It only took one look at each other and we were walking at a breakneck pace in the direction of the parking lot.

The conversation quickly turned to what we should do if the tornado hit while we were in the forest. Once we agreed on the plan, Laura asked if I was interested in running. The conversation stopped and our legs stretched forward at twice the speed.

We were making record time from any 5K we’d run together, but the additional speed was taking its toll on Laura’s injured knee from her last race. She shouted out that she had to stop.

My mind reeled with a question that I didn’t think would ever pop into my mind, “Do I sprint back to safety and let Laura get back on her own or do I stop?” Before the question had finished running through my mind, I realized that I had already stopped and turned to help her.

Laura looked at me and said, “Thank you.”

I found it interesting that I would have a survivor type question pop into my head, while I was in the middle of doing what was right for a friend. I couldn’t help but wonder how many other questions I’ve pondered that were based on natural instincts or survival, rather than being the right humane thing to do.

It didn’t take long for me to realize how powerful of a gift it is to lay down ones life for a friend. No wonder God did that with His son. He is truly the best friend anyone could have. So why don’t more desire to get to know Him?

My thoughts were interrupted when another tornado siren went off, but this time much closer to where we were. Laura asked if we should run again and I firmly said, “No, not yet. You need some recovery time.” We continued to walk quickly through the very dark canopy of trees.

Once we made it closer to a clearing and could see the mounting storm clouds approaching, we both picked up our pace into a light jog – then a quick run. Unfortunately we couldn’t maintain the speed past a half-mile with Laura’s injury screaming for ice. We slowed back to a fast walk.

A sudden blast from a nearby siren jolted us. It was ear piercing and a sign that we only had a half-mile left to go. We maintained our steady walk and I tried to comfort Laura in clarifying our position. Then another siren went off and another. It was clear that tornados were sighted in our area and we only had a couple minutes left until impact.

I silently prayed for God’s hand to hold back the storm and continued forward. A calm came and the trees stopped blowing. We looked at each other knowing fully well that the calm always comes before the blast of a storm.

The cars were in sight and we drove off in opposite directions, but not until after Laura asked what she should do if she sees a tornado while in the car. Heading down the street at faster speeds than posted, I wondered if I could make it home or if I’d have to get out of the car and find a gully or street sewer to hide in.

My phone rang and it was Laura sharing how she could see massive black clouds off to her left. “Her left?” I turned around and saw a twister forming over my right shoulder. It was moving in my exact direction. I said a quick prayer for our safety and told her that I had to hang up.

My foot hit the accelerator and I quickly calculated my 55 mph speed against a tornados 70+ mph speed and assessed if I’d have to get out of the car or if I could make it home. The stoplight turned red and I cut my wheels sharply to the right, cutting across the gas station and out the other side.

I put the metal to the floor and headed down a side street hoping that my outrageous speed would not cause me or anyone else harm. The town tornado siren went off, followed by the two surrounding town sirens. I looked in my rearview mirror and the tail was dipping down toward the ground.

The tornado was catching up with me, but I cut the wheel hard and took a left on two wheels, wondering if my speed or the tornado was lifting my car. I spun around the block and wondered if I should take time to back into my driveway or just pull in and get into the house. I had no idea why my thoughts were considering being presumptuous on God while I parked my car in a preferred manner. It was a ridiculous thought.

I pulled in straight forward and hopped out of my car. The siren a block away was so loud and nerve racking that I could barely find the right key. I unlocked the door and stepped inside. I could hear what sounded like a train going over my house and I looked outside. The trees were bent way over to the point were I thought they would snap.

The black swirl under the puke green sky dissipated before it touched down. Within two minutes it was over and followed by a deluge of rain. I was home and thankful. Then power went out and I decided to head to bed early.

It took ComEd over five hours to return our block to power, but thankfully I woke up to a beautiful sunny day with a light breeze. The excitement was over and I sighed. Trying to out run a tornado was very invigorating, but I think that I’ll pass up the next opportunity that might want to come my way.

Copyright © 2011 By CJ Powers
Photo © Chris White – Fotolia.com

One email I received this past weekend was from a woman wanting to know, “Why does it seem that men are superficial?”

Her question was in context of older men going after younger women. She thought there might be a major generational issue or barrier. If you read between the lines, she might have been wrestling with the issue of younger women stealing the men from her generation, leaving her far less prospects. Her actual concern was for those men going after women their children’s age and having to raise another family.

Having talked with numerous men on these topics, I feel that I can answer her questions without hesitation. First, the majority of men I know aren’t superficial. I’ve had conversations with men that have gone far deeper than I’ve had with some women. That’s not to say that women can’t hold their own with an in depth conversation, but men seem to have more guts to go deeper with certain topics.

Second, men are typically visual communicators, not verbal ones. When a woman assumes that a man is superficial, she is merely revealing her preference for verbal communication and her lack of understanding of the man’s visual language. If she were to study his visuals, she would quickly learn how specific and concise his communication is.

Of course, I must take a moment to point out that I’m writing in generalities, which will only hold true 80% of the time. Not to mention that some men communicate visually out of their subconscious thoughts and may not hold a complete understanding if forced to verbalize what comes natural for him visually. Although, they would eventually be able to translate the message, but it might take a few days, or more effort than the man might care to give to the situation.

Third, going after younger women is not about men being superficial, but rather about too many women giving up in life and settling down in their “old age,” while the men are looking for adventure, activity and fun.

I went on a date not too long ago with a woman who told me that she wanted to cut the date short so she could go to bed – It was at least two hours before the nightly news. When I asked her what types of activities she enjoyed like travel, biking, tennis, golf, dancing, club hopping, and so on, she responded, “Reading in my rocking chair, knitting on my sofa, and napping in my hammock.” She sounded way too old for me.

Men don’t want to call life quits until after they run out of energy. They are fighters that have a passion for fun and adventure. And, they want someone beautiful to share the adventure with. They don’t want a relic that is set in her ways and not flexible enough to have fun.

Remember those high school days when guys and girls worked the carwash fundraiser and everyone was flirting with each other? If a woman has gotten too “old” to flirt, have fun, or get wet at a carwash fundraiser, then the man will look for someone younger filled with life.

It’s not until after he’s got both hands on the walker that he stops attempting to tickle her. In fact, I know one guy so good at using his cane that he keeps his pinching hand available for the next spunky woman who shuffles past him and the retirement center.

Let’s not forget about the cougars out there – The older women stealing away the younger guys. These are women who figured out the visual language and are communicating very well with their young men. And, you’ll never catch a cougar trying to stay dry at a carwash fundraiser or chose a sedentary activity over an active lifestyle.

So, if an older woman wants and older man, they had both better be active or sedentary, because life is too precious not to live it fully until the day we have to stop. After all, the older “players” and “cougars” I know are just fun loving people looking to have a great time exploring life with an intimate friend.

Copyright © 2011 By CJ Powers
Photo © Kerhan – Fotolia.com